GCSEs and A Levels: 5 things you should never say to your child during exam season - and what to say instead

• The summer GCSE and A Level exam season is now underway
• It can be a very stressful and anxiety-inducing time for young learners
• An education expert warns parents some well-meaning phrases can actually heap even more pressure on
• Luckily, there are plenty of more helpful alternatives

In times of great stress for young people, parents will naturally want to help - but it’s all too easy to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

The 2024/25 summer exam season is now in full swing, with A Level and GCSE exams set to run until late June. Candidates will then face a likely tense wait until August’s respective results days - when they will finally be able to enjoy the fruits of their labour.

But exams themselves, the hard weeks spent revising, and how they do in them can all be a huge source of stress for young people. For some, with conditional university offers waiting, the next few months can be life-changing, and so a bit of stress and anxiety is completely normal.

Of course, parents will want to help ease some of this pressure. But Open Study College careers and education expert, Robbie Bryant, says that some of the well-meaning things they say could pile on more stress rather than alleviating it.

He has shared a few key phrases parents should steer clear of this exam season - as well as what they can try saying instead to truly benefit their child. Here are his suggestions:

Five things to avoid saying to your child this exam season - and what to say instead

1. ‘It’s easier now’

Whether it’s due to curriculum changes, access to the internet and AI study tools, or the benefit of hindsight, you might feel like today’s secondary school pupils have it easier than you did.

But any comparison will likely be lost on the young students in your life, and if they are struggling, can “simply make them feel like they are not good enough”, Mr Bryant said.

Instead, take an interest in their personal goals, how they’re choosing to revise, and what you as a family can do to support them. Despite the extra tools at hand, your child might still be getting drawn in by ineffective study methods - and you can help point them in the right direction.

2. ‘Put your phone down and concentrate’

Of course, your child needs to concentrate on studying. Phones sometimes aren’t especially helpful in this regard - and can end up being more of a distraction. But it’s worth remembering that everyone learns and revises differently.

“For some people, a quick five-minute phone break every 20 minutes will help, while others will need total focus for hours on end, he continued. Phones can also give them access to all sorts of helpful revision materials and tools, “so just because they’re on their phone doesn’t mean the revision isn’t happening”.

Some teens admit to getting easily distracted by their devices, and say removing them could help them to focus better. In these instances, parents can help. Check in regularly about how studying is going, and if they’re struggling with getting side-tracked by TikTok or Snapchat, offer to hold onto their devices for a set period for them.

3. ‘Don’t worry, you’ll be fine’

While this may sound like a simple phrase of encouragement, it can come across the wrong way. Mr Bryant warned it could make parents come across as dismissive of their child’s worries.

If your child is feeling stressed, he recommended providing practical advice instead. “Advice such as take a quick break and come back to it; if they have a tutor, ‘try booking time in with your tutor’, or [asking] ‘would it help if we talked it through together?’ will be much more beneficial.”

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4. ‘I expect you to get X’

You might have a good understanding of your child’s working level in a given subject, but saying you expect them to get a certain grade - like a 7 in their GCSEs, or an A* in their A Levels - will just add to the stress they’re already feeling.

On top of this, all sorts of different factors could end up impacting their final results, he added. “Instead, try to encourage them by asking ‘what grades would you be proud of?’ or ‘how can we help you to achieve X?’.”

5. ‘I’m happy as long as you do your best’

Mr Bryant says this also may be meant as a kind message of support. But it actually places a lot of weight on children, to achieve good grades in order to make someone else happy.

“The happiness aspect should be purely placed on the individual, rather than others,” he said. More helpful alternatives can include asking your child how they are feeling about their exams, and what specifically - if anything - they are worried about.

For some, making you proud might be a big concern. This is when reassuring them that you love them and will be proud of them no matter what can be a huge reassurance.

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