Chaplains Corner: Bereavement Journey

“I lost my husband a year ago and now no-one wants to talk about him. I don’t think they know what to say”. A comment from someone recently. This is sad and common comment I hear at the bereavement journey courses I have been running for several years.

I remember an elderly lady I became friends with when I was running a market stall on the Leighton Buzzard Tuesday market. One day she told me her husband had died and how lonely she was.

I used to wonder what I could do to help, and she assured me all she needed was someone who would listen. She wanted to talk about her husband and how she missed him, to share some of her treasured memories, and even some of the jokes he was fond of telling (she caveated these by saying ‘well he was a rugby player!’). I have learnt that the best thing you can do for someone who is grieving is to be a good listener.

I’ve heard the expression “being lonely in a crowd”. This lady had a good social life, but she still felt disconnected because few (if any) understood or wanted to listen to what she was going through. The bereaved person can spend time with friends or family but have no opportunities to talk about the one they have lost.

There is an unsaid expectation that the death happened long enough ago, and it is not time for them to be over it. I think there is a lack of understanding in society of how grief works and that it is something unique to everyone. Having said that bereaved people often go through similar stages of grief. That is why courses like the Bereavement Journey are so helpful. I get very positive comments about how helpful the videos are because they explain some of the common experiences, but people mostly appreciate the group discussions where they can share and be real with others.

Watch out for the next Bereavement Journey course planned in Leighton Buzzard for early next year.