Chaplains Corner: How to deal with someone else's loss

Someone I met today said a friend lost his wife and he wasn’t coping well. But sadly, she didn’t know what to say or do to help. This is a common reaction to bereavement; our society does not deal with loss well. The artist David Hockney said, ‘We live in an age where we think death is an option”.

Let me offer some tips of what to do the next time you meet someone who is grieving:

· Do talk to them, even if you don’t know what to say. A simple ‘I’m so sorry’ shows you care. I remember someone crossing the road to avoid me after I lost my father, and it really hurt me.

· Do give space for them to be real about how they feel, don’t try to discourage their tears. Be willing to cry with them if that seems the right thing. Don’t worry about feeling ‘awkward’, be normal, be yourself and be a friend.

· Do talk about the person who has died. So often people on the Bereavement Journey tell me that they want to talk about their loved one, but friends and family rarely give them the space to do so.

· Do give practical support if you can. Sometimes a bereaved person finds it hard to cope with routine, with meals, children and the home. Don’t overload them with responsibilities, for a while it may be all they can cope with is getting out of bed and dressed.

· Don’t offer clichés: Avoid saying things that may come across as dismissive or trivializing, such as "They’re in a better place" or "Everything happens for a reason."

When a loved one dies our world is shaken and life doesn’t seem so certain anymore. Only God is unchanging, and we can turn to him. Jesus understands, he suffered loss and pain as we do, in Isaiah 53:3 he is described as a "man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." So why not reach out to Jesus with your grief and broken heart and find his promised peace and comfort?