Chaplains Corner: Loss of a loved one at Christmas time
Chaplains Corner by Colin Johnson, Neighbourhood Chaplain, Hockliffe Street Baptist Church
As we approach Christmas, I’m aware of how difficult this season can be for anyone who’s lost a loved one.
Rather than be something to celebrate, for grieving people, Christmas can be something to be feared. I remember how I felt the Christmas my mother died and how this season seemed to highlight the ‘missing-person-shaped’ hole in my heart. Some say that the first Christmas after the death was sad and hard, but it was the second year when the loss really hit them. All of us grieve differently and however you are experiencing grief that’s OK.
There is helpful advice on the bereavement signposting website, ataloss.org, to help you through this difficult period:
Acknowledge your feelings. It’s important to accept that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, lonely or fearful. It’s normal to experience a range of emotions in grief.
Plan. Decide in advance how you want to spend the time. Whether it’s attending family gatherings or opting for a quiet day at home, having a plan can reduce anxiety.
Don’t feel pressured. Grief is individual. Focus on doing whatever feels right for you. Build in flexibility. Grief is unpredictable, so if you get an invitation to join others, consider saying something like: “I would love to come but it may not feel so easy when it comes to it. Could I let you know on the day?”
Create new traditions. If old traditions are too painful, consider creating new ones that might be more manageable. Remember your loved one. Find ways to include the memory of the person in your celebrations. For example, lighting a candle, or sharing stories.
If you are someone who has faith remember you are never alone. In the Bible God is described as the “Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles” (2 Corinthians 1). In my experience finding a Christian friend to pray with you is also beneficial.
The next Bereavement Journey course is due to start on Thursday, 23 January. There is no charge, please contact me to register – see www.lifeofhope.online/contact.