Leighton celebrant Lyndsey is tackling The Final Taboo with a series of workshops

So says Leighton celebrant Lyndsey Conquest and she should know – in the past two years she’s supported more than 200 bereaved families, including one where all 150 mourners joined in a karaoke session in the chapel.

The 43-year-old mother-of-two says: “I feel so honoured to be entrusted with loved ones’ funerals.

“But far too often I’ve seen the immense pressure people are under to get everything just right.

"They’re so scared of making the wrong decision, of being judged by others attending the service, and this can be incredibly overwhelming for someone already deep in grief.

“People frequently say ‘If only I’d written something down,’ or ‘Why didn’t I make a note of that song they liked?’ and ‘We never spoke about this sort of thing – now I wish we had.’”

So Lyndsey has decided to launch a series of free community events in the New Year with the aim of breaking The Final Taboo – discussing death.

She says: “Documenting your wishes after a life limiting diagnosis can be particularly difficult so I urge everyone to start having these conversations or making notes.

"My workshops will provide a space where small groups of people can come together, talk about their wishes and record them in a special folder, which I will provide.

"We will look at local venues, flowers, music, readings, funeral directors and what they offer and much, much more, including decisions about whether you’d like to be buried or cremated and other alternative options.

"They will be fun, engaging and informative and I aim to run one every three months."

Her previous career included publishing in education, law and finance. After being made redundant, she worked as a teaching assistant and then a learning mentor. She has also volunteered for Victim Support and run local weight loss groups.

She decided to train as a celebrant during Covid and explains: “I was looking for a new direction and decided to use my time to find a role that I would love and where I could use my skillset.

“I firmly believe celebrancy found me, you could almost describe it as a calling.

"I now know it was where I was always destined to work, but it needed to find me at the right time.”

She completed NOCN Level 3 Diploma in celebrancy in 2021, training in both funeral and couples celebrancy and is about to start the new advanced Level 4 course.

A couples celebrant can conduct wedding celebrations, vow renewals and commitment ceremonies as well as baby namings. They aren’t allowed to officiate at legal marriages but this is currently under discussion with the government.

Lyndsey describes the funeral side of her work as rewarding but humbling: “Yes, it’s emotional and hard but it really is the best job in the world. My role makes use of my listening, writing, organisational and speaking skills, along with my strong desire to help others.

“Each ceremony is bespoke for each family, adding the personal touches that make it extra special like the one that ended in a karaoke session.

"I’ve also helped interfaith families incorporate their shared beliefs into a loved ones funeral.

"This is where an independent civil celebrant is so special - our own beliefs do not impact our work. We allow families to do whatever is right for them, whatever their beliefs. This can include prayers, readings or hymns if required.”

She is also keen to raise awareness and include neurodiversity in funeral services: “It’s basically ensuring those with autism, ADHD and other neurological, development and learning disabilities are catered for at funerals.

"I take the time to organise visits to the crematorium before the day to show them around so they know what to expect, as well as requesting music to be played more quietly and lights to be lower.

“My daughter has autism so I know how important this is, to ensure those on the autistic spectrum can take part and not be over stimulated.”

Lyndsey has recently been involved in a film shoot with Funeral Choice, who invited her to Birmingham to talk about her work.

She says: “It was an amazing opportunity to be part of the movement to get people talking about funerals and to make them more aware of their choices.”She has since been asked to join their expert panel and says they share a mission to give everyone the knowledge, inspiration and guidance they need to plan the funeral they really want.

Funeral choice will be releasing the videos over the coming months on their website https://www.yourfuneralchoice.com/

Dunstable-born Lyndsey knows how much the death of someone close can rock your world to the core.

She says: “The grief never leaves you . . . you just learn to live with it and adapt.

“As I was beginning my celebrant training, I was faced with the death of a very dear friend.

"It was she who encouraged me to begin my training and often told me how perfect I was for the role.

"I will always be appreciative of the support and encouragement she gave me and just wish she was here to see how far I have come.”

She speaks eloquently about her experience of the death of loved ones on her blog.

> Visit her website and social media @lyndseycelebrant for details of her courses.