Chaplains Corner by Flora Hadley: Understanding anticipatory grief
Anticipatory grief is commonly used to describe the sadness and sorrow we feel when we mourn a loss that hasn’t yet happened. It can occur when a person close to us is terminally ill or living with a progressive condition, such as dementia. Even though the person is still with us, we may already be grieving anticipated changes in both them and our relationship, as well as the impact the person’s death will have on us and our lives.
We can also experience anticipatory grief as we face our own death, mourning the approaching separation from loved ones, fearful about the unknown, concerned about how our loved ones will cope when we’re gone and grieving for lost opportunities.
Anticipatory grief can be triggered by significant, non-death related losses too, such as divorce, redundancy or bankruptcy.
Anticipatory grief is a normal human response and everyone experiences it differently. You may feel mild or intense sadness, irritability, anxiety, regret, loneliness, exhaustion, guilt, anger or helplessness; or you might find it difficult to concentrate, make decisions or sleep. One moment you might be hopeful that you or your loved one will somehow recover, and the next you’re in despair as you realise this is unlikely to happen. Many people experience spiritual distress in their grief, questioning the meaning of suffering or feeling disconnected from their faith if they have one.
There are things that can help us to process our emotions and feel less alone. Talking with trusted friends, joining a support group or speaking to a counsellor can help. If it feels right, some people like to talk to their loved ones about cherished memories, love or anything that feels unfinished or unforgiven.
We can also take comfort from the Bible that God understands our pain (Matthew 26:38), promises to walk through it with us (Psalm 23:1-4; Psalm 34:18; Isaiah 41:10) and offers us hope for the future (Jeremiah 29:11; Revelation 21:4). For information on the next Bereavement Journey course starting 23 October 2025 at LB library, see Colin Johnson's website- www.lifeofhope.online/bereavement